As The World Turns: opening the door for connection
I came to it late. The gatherings actually started 35 years before I arrived. Every Thursday at the same time - for two hours or thereabouts - a handful of women would come together to speak about their lives. Our own version of “As The World Turns”.
My friend Mary Ann and a couple of her friends started the group in 1984 just before the birth of her first daughter. Mary Ann was a therapist by training and skill, but this wasn’t a therapy group. Instead it was a low-key, take your turn as you wish, telling of the highs or lows, funny happenings or musings of the week. No food, no provision of drink provided (just bring your own tea or water) except on the rare occasion of the celebration of a birthday when cookies and candles would reign.
“Who wants to start?” is how the evenings begin. And for 20 minutes or so, the person speaking has the floor to talk about whatever they want. Could be family, conundrums, politics, love, health, death, friendship, or disputes. The ground of life gets covered with the flutter of the week’s happenings. Maybe there’ll be a question asked by the person speaking or someone listening, but for the most part – it’s just a time to speak out and share. Similar perhaps to the native tradition of holding a stick while sharing in a circle. What does this do? It builds belonging and a rock solid community.
When I was first invited to join, I declined. Then once again came the invitation when my work was part-time and I said “Yes, please count me in.” Now 7 years later our group of 5 is now 4 – our cohort Peggy died. And so the world turns.
Even though I almost didn’t join and we’ve lost Peggy, there are many reasons why I'm so happy I’m part of the group. It sparks a passion for community and makes me want to reach out to others for shared connection. I am so fortunate to have another family to lean on and I realize that so many people are without it.
The statistics on loneliness in America are alarming. According to the American Psychological Association recently highlighted a Harris report stating that of 3,000 American polled, more than six in 10 U.S. adults reported feeling lonely, while half or more adults said they felt isolated (54%), left out (50%) or lacking companionship (50%) often or some of the time.
The article stated something important: “This growing gap between emotional needs and available support highlighted a critical challenge: Even as adults recognize their need for connection, many are struggling to find it.”
Perhaps the solution is seeing community building created in small ways to ensure everyone has a chance for connection—just like our women’s group.
I already see this in plenty of places: men gathered around a table at the YMCA, people gathered together in the streets or churches “singing resistance”, quilting circles, people doing volunteer home repair, churches providing a supper meal for anyone who walks through the door.
At its simplest a community can be just one person plus another. A community of two. A friendship! How does it start? Just one just person reaching out – saying “Hello” or asking a question. Opening the door for connection.
A community doesn’t have to be long lasting. Just a chance encounter can provide the comfort of community and a sense of belonging. Oftentimes the people who most long for connection might be invisible – their loneliness hidden away behind a face. Like pain, loneliness is rarely visible.
I’m not always good at putting community into practice, but I hope to recognize and celebrate it wherever I find it.
Hurrying on or hurrying by, not really paying attention to the moment and person in front of me. But if I’m deliberate, I can build tiny micro communities that bless me and others by taking the time to look longer at the people I meet. Pause a bit. Consider who they are and say “Hello, how are things going for you?” Then pause again to take it in.
I might have joined “As The World Turns” late, but the links I’ve formed because of it have propelled me to imagine new ways to make connections and build community.
Peggy would be proud.
At the crossroads of Concourse B and C at Chicago O’Hare Airport, a sighting to behold.
While I didn’t get the little guy’s name, we took time to become friends in a very unlikely—and chaotic—place.
It’s one way to find community and connection wherever you are.